Leadership and Self-Deception — The Arbinger Institute
Self-deception blinds us to the true cause of problems, and once blind, all the "solutions" we can think of will actually make matters worse.
Are you more interested in people or in their opinion of you?
We can sense how others are feeling toward us. Given a little time, we can always tell when we’re being coped with, manipulated, or outsmarted. We can always detect the hypocrisy.
Self-betrayal
An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal.
When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.
So—when I betray myself, I enter the box.
Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.
In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.
Most of the people you’ve encountered in your career who you think are results-focused really aren’t. They value results primarily for the purpose of creating or sustaining their own stellar reputations.
Purpose of our efforts at work: to achieve results together.
We change in the moment we cease resisting what is outside our box—others. We liberate ourselves from self-justifying thoughts and feelings.
Self reflect and question your motives and virtue. Search for hypocrisy in your own behavior.
If I’m not interested in knowing a person’s name, I’m probably not really interested in the person as a person.
When we are in the box we are blind to it. We can’t see how we are blaming others, not for their mistakes, but for ours. A leader can pretty much kill his company by carrying the disease he blames others for. I infected them and then blame them for the infection.
If I’m convinced that the other person really is to blame, then I must ask myself, "Does my blame help the other person get better? It never does.
